| brett24. 01. 2021 20:21:27 |
In these morbid times (thanks to politics and media  ) a lot of laughter and good mood is really needed. So my little stone of collected jokes for this purpose   :
Beer
What if we put vaccine in beer and open pubs. In two days, whole Slovenia will be vaccinated!
Doctor
I don't want to scare you, but doctor who will operate you in 10 years, now at home does online school, plays Play Station and eats chips.
Homework
Well, homework is done, I'm voiceless, son is deaf, neighbors know it all by heart.
Pfizer
We must believe in Pfizer factory vaccine. They made viagra, so if they raised the dead, they will cure the living too.
Water
In the morning I sipped from wrong bottle. It was water, instead of schnapps. Almost shat myself, I thought I have no smell and taste
Infected.
Situation is serious! In village with 200 inhabitants, tested 300. Today got results, all 500 infected!
Wolt Jacket
Cheaply sell jacket and Wolt delivery bag. Suitable for outings after 21 hours.
Post
Important notice: From Monday, 19.10.2020 all postmen work from home. We will take your letters. If something important, we'll call you. Your Post.
Credit
I'm not afraid of corona, have so much credit, bank would come resuscitate me.
Doctor's Conscience
From UKC Ljubljana calling all who watched at least 5 seasons of Doctor's Conscience series, report for work tomorrow
Smuggler
At border caught two migrants smuggling 6 Slovenes from Pag.
Top Shop
Year 2020 same as Top Shop ad: "Wait, that's not all"...
Croatian Corona
New in tourist offer: Ten days Croatian Corona Package includes:
-3 days stay in Croatia
-7 days quarantine in Slovenia
Quarantine
My goal was to lose 10 kilograms in quarantine. Still have 15 left.
Men
Men during corona we really got screwed. Before only wives told us how and what, now government interfered too!
Kindergarten
Reading kindergarten email. Not clear if kids go to kindergarten Monday or to front?
Vacation
Vacation in Greece, plan:
Departure 15.6.
Quarantine in Macedonia 15.6.-28.6.
Quarantine in Greece 29.6.-12.7.
Vacation 13.7.-20.7.
Quarantine in Macedonia 21.7.-3.8.
Quarantine in Serbia 4.8.-31.8.
1.9. return to work)
Hand washing
From today end of hand washing. Got water bill like raising dolphins …
Year 1961
1961 man flew to space... 2020 man at home makes mask from undies... Where did we screw up?
16 years
Feel like at 16 again. Long hair again, gas cheap, but can't go anywhere.
Arguing
When arguing at home, like concert: first newest... then old hits...
Delo newspaper
Delo front page 25.3.1980: In 2020 people drive flying cars and vacation on Mars. Delo front page 25.3.2020: Tomorrow yeast comes.
Drinking
Yesterday got so drunk with wife in quarantine, at end asked her for phone...
Success
"Coronavirus succeeded what no woman did. Stopped all sports, closed bars and kept all men home."
Mother-in-law
"He said: Everything for something good ... mother-in-law from other municipality."
Viruses
Morning on empty stomach take something sweet, viruses gather.
Then black coffee to darken eyes. Then shot to kill them.
Restaurant
Colleague two: «Scared us so much with virus, when go to restaurant, in wc open door with elbow, lift lid with foot, flush with knee, close door with shoulder and return to table across restaurant – when notice didn't pull up pants…
Saving world!
Mom always said nothing of me if lie in bed all day. But look now ... saving world!
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